WARNING: WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY AND BODY IMAGE TALK!
I want to apologize to my fellow size acceptance activists who may feel that I am letting them down and being a bad example. I probably am, but I simply don't know what else to do and am at my wit's end.
In the space of 6 months, I have gone from 275 to 286 pounds.
Now, I am not saying that more pounds make anybody a worse person. But I don't know what to do. It isn't as if I sit around eating entire cakes at one sitting. I have been trying and trying and trying to eat in a more healthy, balanced manner. Yet I keep gaining weight.
My decision is not one that I am advising anyone else to take and I am NOT making this decision because I am unhealthy. I am basically healthy. Other than mental illness, my only real health problem is mild hypertension, which I do not in fact believe was triggered by my weight. It is hereditary in my family. I also have sciatica, which was not brought on by weight (I weighed 100 pounds less at the time that I first developed it anyway) or at least not MY weight. It was brought on by carrying those big serving trays as a waitress. I also have fibromyalgia, which is in no way weight-related.
I am doing this because I can't live with the stigma that society places on larger people and because I don't have the strength to keep fighting. I will still fight to end the stigma, but I feel that on a personal level I have no other choice. I am opting to have a sleeve gastrectomy as soon as it is feasible.
I am tired of starving myself and tired of being hungry all the time. The gastrectomy apparently removes the part of the stomach that produces ghrelin, the hormone responsible for hunger cues. I would be greatly relieved to never be hungry again.
Again, I am more than sorry to those Size Acceptance activists who feel I am being a sellout. But I really can see no other way for me at this point.
It's your body, you have the right to do as you think best for yourself. If you've researched the surgery and know about all of the possible complications and still think this is your only option, then it's no one's business but your own. As far as I'm concerned, you're still welcome in my corner of the fatosphere. I'll be totally honest here, if there was a magic pill that would safely and permanently make me thin, you can bet your ass I'd be taking it in a heartbeat simply because I, too, am sick to death of all the bullshit that fat people face on a daily basis. I don't know that being thin would make my back pain less, or even eliminate it altogether, but it would probably help. And it sure as hell would be easier to find clothes to fit, and I wouldn't have to worry about whether people were making nasty comments about me behind my back (no one has the nerve to make them to my face). And most of all, it would finally get doctors to take me seriously when I tell them I have a problem. They would actually look for the cause of the problem instead of blaming it on my fat. Too bad that magic pill doesn't exist for me. I had a VBG almost 14 years ago and it didn't work, not long-term anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo anyway, good luck and keep posting, I'll keep reading, no matter what.
Thank you. It means a lot. I just came to the point where I feel so hopeless about the whole thing. I can't stand feeling hungry all the time. Obviously starving myself doesn't work anyway!
ReplyDeleteMaybe one day we will all be accepted just as we are. But I don't hold my breath!
It takes a lot of courage to write this. You seem like a strong person. You are human and not a let down. If anything, you are an inspiration and you'll get through this.
ReplyDelete