I really do struggle with a tremendously dysfunctional relationship with my body. I became despondent when I started developing hips and could no longer wear size 9 boys' jeans when I hit puberty. I was terrified of becoming "fat." I started sticking my finger down my throat at age 13, when I hit 116 pounds. I was horrified at weighing over 100 pounds. I thought myself grossly fat because I now wore a size 1 women's pants.
Ever since I hit puberty, I have hated my body. And it is not easy to get over thinking this way. Especially since at this point in my life I take after my mythological great grandmother and weigh approximately 300 pounds.
Oh yes, I have a mythological great grandmother. You see, there is no such thing as an old fat person, so she couldn't have existed. Because she was nearly 80 years old when she died of acute myeloid leukemia and not any of the Deathfat diseases. Tres Impossible!
It's also amazing the difference a few years makes. When I was eight years old, I didn’t yet have it drilled into me at that age that fat = bad. At that age I just thought that fat = a person who really, really likes to eat and maybe not the best foods, but they aren’t bad. But certainly by eleven or twelve it had been drilled into my head that fat = ugly, bad, stupid, and lacking in self control, and I had started berating myself using it as an insult.
It's also amazing the difference a few years makes. When I was eight years old, I didn’t yet have it drilled into me at that age that fat = bad. At that age I just thought that fat = a person who really, really likes to eat and maybe not the best foods, but they aren’t bad. But certainly by eleven or twelve it had been drilled into my head that fat = ugly, bad, stupid, and lacking in self control, and I had started berating myself using it as an insult.
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Thoughtful commentary is welcome. If you are simply a douchebag who wants to spew about how ugly and/or lazy you think fat people are, go drown your worthless ass in a vat of fry grease. Likewise, if you have been brainwashed by the MULTI BILLION DOLLAR diet/weight loss industry and want to preach about what a godsend whatever program your on is, please do so on your own blog. I do not appreciate religious proselytizing, and I do not like proselytizing for The Church of Thinness either. Thanks!
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